Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
