you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
