do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
