Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
