college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
