And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I love you. Go after that dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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