the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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