is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
