Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Be still, my beating vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
