Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
