I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
