i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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