she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just found a bag of teeth...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
