So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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