Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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