how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
pray to the hookup gods
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
