btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish I only lived at night.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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