mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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