Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Come on in and take your pants off
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