But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
