why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
