there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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