i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize