Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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