the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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