For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
