This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
