She is in my trunk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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