she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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