I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
