I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
