my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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