I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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