ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
