She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
