Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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