Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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