You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
