how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
