I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
