You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
