I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
