I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
