i would punch a child for taco bell
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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