So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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