Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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