haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
