i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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