Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
