the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
