I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize