he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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