I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
