It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
