the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
