I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
