I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
God, I missed his penis.
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