The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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