Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize